Boy At Home
by Rewind-and-Freeze
Summary: Kinda songfic but not really based on the Taylor Swift song 'Girl At Home'. Annabeth's never home and Percy's sinking into depression as he blames himself for the death of the other five of the seven demigods' deaths. It gets drastic one night and the Fates seem to feel quite poetic when they send someone down to help restore his hope.
1. Prologue type thing

**A/N**

**Song fic to Girl at Home by Taylor Swift, but not exactly...**

**I know in the song it is a girl talking to a boy but I'm switching that around cause I don't like Percy like that, I don't like Annabeth like it either but I sort of prefer it.**

**Set after HoO so won't be cannon compliant in the future as I am not Rick Riordan and do not own PJO.**

**I've written for long enough, and the use of the term 'bloody' is because I'm English and I felt like being a little stereotypical and using it.**

**Argh! There were so many errors in this that I didn't even notice! Here is the better version, if this is your first time reading it then you are lucky!**

**I'll let you read my story now :)**

**Percy POV**

~ are you coming home tonight? X

My finger hesitated over the send button. Was there really any point? It was unlikely she'd reply or even read the message for at least an hour, probably more. I held an internal debate for about five minutes before deciding to press send and immediately felt stupid. She hadn't been home in the evening for over three weeks and before that it was twice a week at the most. I sagged and flung myself into the couch. I started playing on the phone I had, which was probably not the smartest thing for a demigod to have but it was bloody useful sometimes.

I glanced at the picture on the coffee table and felt a knife in my gut as it always did when I looked at them. It held all seven of the demigods from the second great prophecy, five of which were dead. I blamed myself of course; I had led them into the battle that killed them after all. I fell asleep reliving the things that I would forever see in my dreams.

Annabeth POV

I heard my phone beep telling me I had a message. I glanced at the screen that read 'message: Percy' I shrugged, he could wait, it probably wasn't important anyway. He never had anything important to tell me. He was too busy sinking into depression or wallowing in self-pity or loathing or something like that. If I'm honest, out was more than a little pathetic. Maybe I should answer, I thought. Just then there was a knock on my door and all thoughts of Percy were forgotten.

It was hours later when I remembered to message him back. I opened the text and sighed. I quickly trapped in my reply and dropped my phone into the pocket of the coat I was wearing. I walked out to the street to call a taxi. It wasn't until after I decided to give the driver instructions to take me to the bus station that I realised how blatantly I had led to Percy, I hated lying. But I was going out tonight and not for the first time.

Percy POV

The reply came three hours later. I shouldn't have been surprised, that was relatively fast recently.

- Yes. See you soon. X

I shouldn't have let myself while and get excited. I should've known she wouldn't really be coming. She worked ten minutes away. I waited for an hour after the time she should've been home before finally letting go and realising that she wasn't going to be here, she never was.

I turned around and saw a knife. I could just end it, I thought, take the knife and for my wrists...or my throat. Either that or I could just add to the rapidly growing number of scars on my chest. I had replied to get when I get the text. A rather foolish:

~ Can't wait. X

I dragged the knife across my chest twice for the texts I'd sent and one more for my sheer stupidity. Thinking she would actually come, what kind of idiot was I? I stopped after that, I couldn't feel anything anymore; it was just something I did.

When it got to nine pm I decided I had to ask Annabeth where she was.

~ Where are you? X

It was only after I'd sent out that I realised how Annabeth would take it. She'd say I was suffocating her. I sighed and thought that I really didn't care, I just wanted her back.

It got top ten pm, there's been no reply. I sighed and messaged again.

~ I'm at home. You said you'd be here?

There was no reply when it got to ten thirty do I rang. "Please pick up Annabeth. You're worrying me."

When it got to eleven I glanced at the Chinese is ordered earlier.

~I have Chinese, we could watch a movie?

The reply came about 10 minutes later.

-Sounds great babe. See you soon. X

~ How soon?

Blood had died on my chest; I didn't bother to wash it off.

-I love you. X

I knew Annabeth hated lying, but she did it occasionally; she was trying to avoid the question. There was one big problem with that text.

~I don't believe you.

Tears feel from my eyes because that was the first time I had admitted it, really admitted it. I knew Annabeth didn't love me. The phone rang. I don't answer. Minutes later a text came through.

- I'm sorry. X

I shook my head and replied.

~ Just come home.

My fingers were shaking as I opened the next message. I sucked in a breath.

-I love you. I mean it. See you in ten?

I shook my head at the message, it hurt to know that she would make an exception to her 'no lying' rule when she was talking to me. I knew I wouldn't see her though, she'd be an hour away, maybe even two. I'd had enough.

~ I'm gone. Lose my number Annabeth.

I didn't pack, I didn't need to. I went straight to the top of the building. "I'm sorry." I whispered brokenly. "I killed you." I wanted to jump.


	2. August-February or how it fell apart

**So, I am continuing this, starting another project probably isn't my brightest idea, and I'm starting off by going back in time a little. It has been decided that this shall be a HestiaXPercy story and I would like to thank **_**Gold Testament**_** for helping in deciding this and showing me why it was a very good idea.**

_August 30th_

_Annabeth POV_

"Hey!" I called walking into the apartment. I was met with silence. "Percy?" I tried. A clatter rang from the kitchen. "Perce?" I asked in a worried tone.

"Uh, yeah? I, um, uh... just a minute!" His words were rushed and jumbled together.

"Are you okay? Is there anything I need to do?" I placed my keys and jacket on the table by the door. I started moving towards the kitchen.

"No, um, ow, I'm fine; just... hold on a minute, the kitchen is a bit of a mess."

"Did you try to cook again? Because you know you're not very good at it. And you always end up making a mess." I spoke while laughing to myself. I sat down on the sofa and curled my legs under me. "Hey," I shouted. "Did we get that DVD in the end or not? I was thinking about having a movie night."

Percy waltzed into the room wiping his hands on a towel. He lent against the doorframe, his black hair dropping into his eyes. "Um, yeah I think so, but, um, I was going to spend the night with Nico actually. That's what I came in here to tell you." He shuffled his feet. I looked at him suspiciously.

"Okay," I said evenly. "We can do it another night. What were you planning on doing?"

"Oh, you know, just refreshing our sword skills and such." He said it in such a casual way that it seemed completely un-casual and only made me even more suspicious. "But we can cancel. Do it another night. I'm happy to stay here with you and I'm sure Nico won't mind. Plus, I really wanna see that movie." I smiled at him.

"If you're sure... I would love that." I told him. "We'll order in, yeah? Chinese?"

"Sounds perfect." Percy walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll just IM Nico then. You can order right? Lemon chicken and noodles?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I know your Chinese order Percy... in fact, I know your order for anything. Just go IM Nico and shower; you're still in your pajamas and its 5 o'clock!" Percy smiled lazily at me and turned to leave the room. "You have an interview tomorrow right?" Percy nodded. Hos jobs were like his school life, always getting kicked out or, well, fired in this case. I rolled my eyes fondly and smiled. Neither of us had gone to university, Percy just didn't have the motivation to and I didn't need to. After being the architect of Olympus I was more than welcomed into any job I wanted even if I didn't have a degree.

After his shower Percy came through with knives and forks ready to eat straight out of the containers. I smiled and laughed a little at his childish ways. The food cam and we snuggled down on the sofa together. It was perfect.

_December 11th_

_Percy POV_

I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't hold a job. Well, I never could but it was getting worse. I started snapping at people and sleeping in even when my alarm clock woke me up. It had been steadily getting worse since October. Annabeth didn't get on at me too much then. She just said I was going through a rough patch and was surprised I hadn't gone through it sooner. She said it probably had something to do with the after effects of the Giant War.

But now... she seems to mind, a lot more. I can't go a day without hearing about it at least twice, it's either that or she's saying something about how disappointed they would all be in me, Jason, Leo, Frank, Hazel and Piper. That hurts the most but I already knew that, I already knew they were disappointed in me, I'd let them die, hadn't I.

I was trying; I honestly was, not just for my sake but for Annabeth's. It was putting strain on her, me not having a steady job; she was working longer hours to cover everything. I told her she didn't need to; we could just cut back on a few things until I get back on my feet. By now though, it seemed she didn't have any faith in my ever getting back on my feet.

_December 27th_

Christmas was a bust, awkward silences filled out apartment until it was time to go to my mom's and even then you could cut the tension with a knife. I was surprised Paul was there. He and my mom had split up about a year ago, just before the war. I think it was about me, it was hard not to with the way my mom kept averting her eyes when she had told me about it. Surely, if I had no involvement, she could look me in the eye when she was speaking. Our contact became smaller and smaller after that. I was starting to feel completely cut off.

While we were at the table I started subconsciously rubbing one of the scars on my chest. I told myself that, when I made it, it would be the only time, I wasn't going to do it again; but at that moment, I felt I needed to. I was hurting the people I loved, even the ones who were already dead.

We were staying over for a while so I'd brought a razor. During the gap between courses I had excused myself from the table. I didn't shave until I got back to my apartment, that razor had been destroyed.

_January 24th_

She wasn't home. She never was anymore. It was my fault. I still hadn't managed to find a decent job, or keep any of the less decent ones. A few weeks ago Annabeth told me to just give up, she'd take care of everything, and we'd be fine. Things took a turn for the worst after that, even worse than they were.

I had no reason to leave the apartment so I stayed there, all day, all night, in my room with the curtains closed and sleeping. I got up occasionally to go food shopping or to keep up appearances to my other half-blood friends. The smile I had on was always faked and every night was just a repeat of the last. I asked Annabeth if she was coming home, she'd say yes and then wouldn't turn up until 3 in the morning, usually drunk and/or with some bloke she thought I wouldn't realise was with her. I always pretended I didn't know, it was one of the few things I could still do to make her happy.

I'd send other texts, all through the night, worrying about her. She didn't tend to reply and I knew she didn't love, or even like me anymore. I felt hollow inside, there was really no hope for my future, I thought.

_February 14th_

This got me the worst. We'd promised each other that we'd both be home tonight. I'd childishly thought that we might both make it. I was wrong and I'd never felt worse. Her replies were slow if at all. This was the night I finally admitted, out loud, that Annabeth didn't love me anymore. I was left with no hope. I was empty. I wanted it to end. That's when I went out onto the roof.


	3. She saved me

**I wrote this while I was wanting to read **_**Perferct Socundrels**_** so it may not be the most descriptive but it diesn't really need to be yet. Anyway, enjoy :) **

There was a strong wind that winter night. That's the only thought I really recall having on top of that building other than 'it's my fault, everything is my fault'. And by everything I did mean everything. I blamed myself for Annabeth not enjoying coming home at night, the other fives' deaths, especially Piper's, the destruction of Camp Jupiter, my mom and Paul splitting up and Bianca's death, I'd always blamed myself for that, even if I hid it well. I knew I could've done more to stop her, stop it happening. It really is a long list, longer than I care to write, or think about.

I remember someone screaming my name just as I put a foot over the edge. I remember the ground being a lot softer than I thought it would be. I remember hearing a snap... or maybe it was a crack, next to me and someone muttering my name. And then I remember floating in total darkness. I don't think thst feeling lasted for very long though because after that I remember a lot of pain, mainly in my head.

I groaned and rolled my head to the side, it was on something soft. I felt a hand stop me. "Whoa," A soft voice said. "Don't move, it'll only hurt more."

"Annabeth?" I questioned disbelievingly. Then I muttered. "Stupid question, she'd never here."

"Not Annabeth, someone else." I tried to open my eyes and see who it was. the light they opened to seemed too bright and caused me to yell softly in shock. Whoever it was muttered probably thinking I didn't hear them. "Percy, I need you to open your eyes for me."

Then it hit me, annoyance, someone had seen me and saved me. I lived. And now whoever it was is probably going to act differently and smother me or something. I felt humiliated after that, I couldn't even kill myself without screwing it up. How the hell did I ever save Olympus? Let alone twice. Hot tears rolled down my face as I curled into my self and almost fell out of the bed. _Fell. Falling. Failing_. The tears came faster, I wanted it all to end, after everything why couldn't the Fates have mercy on me? Just this once? Why?

"Shh, Percy, it's okay you're safe now, you're alright." The voice said while it, well, she, wrapped her arms around me. I pushed her away with my right arm and rolled away from her.

"Leave me alone." I mumbled. She sighed.

"I can't Percy, you gave me your hope and now I'm going to help you find it again."

"Hestia? Um, Lady Hestia?" I mutterd quickly.

"Yes young hero. But you are a brave man, why jump like a coward?"

"A coward for wanting to leave? Or a brave man for actually trying? It takes a lot of guts to take _any_ life, let alone your own."

"Coward." Hestia confirmed. "And such a word does not become you." There was a silence for a while.

"Why?" I asked, my voice was rough and tired. The word was slurred a little, as if I had had too much to drink and was trying to speak in spite of the fact that the chances were no one could understand me.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that question?" Hestia almost chuckled.

"You're a goddess, you can see what I'm doing whenever you want to. You obviously knew I was going to, why else would you turn up?"

"I _was _going to ask you to go on a quest with Annabeth... it seems that wouldn't have been such a good idea in hindsight."

"So why?" I asked. "Why are you trying to save me? I'm a coward aren't I?" Hestia seemed to huff in annoyance.

"I did not mean it like that and you know it! I mearly said it was a cowardly thing to do and that such an action does not suit you." She snapped at me in an Annabeth-ish way. The voice she used when she was dissapointed in me, only Hestia's voice seemed to hold a more caring element to it. "Percy," She sighed. "I shouldn't have snapped but too many heroes I have cared about have met an early grave, I do not want you to be another one."

"Whatever." I tried to push away my emotions. I hadn't even considered how this would affect the others. Would they miss me? How would Nico cope with it? We'd gotten closer since the end of the war. And my father, I wouldn't be surprised if he flooded the entirety of Mahattan in rage. Hestia tried to speak to me again but I didn't answer, just pretended to be asleep.


	4. When Annabeth returned

**Well, I'm going to France for a week so I thought I should try to update everything before I go. Here's the next chapter. Might be very short, depends what time I'm leaving.**

Hestia didn't leave me alone for a second over the next week. I hated it. I often asked her about the godly duties she was ignoring. She answered with 'this is my duty.' I didn't feel like she hooked be helping me. I wasn't worth it. She had said so herself, I had been a coward. Who would want to help a coward?

The first time I woke up after I saw it was her that saved me she dragged me into the bathroom and told me to shower. I refused to do it while she was in the room.

"If you act like a child I shall treat you like one." She said when I resorted to kicking and screaming. She was one stubborn goddess. I glared at her, daring her to try it. In an instant he was tugging the shirt off my back. I fought back, trying to pull the shirt back down. Even told her I'd let her stay in the room while I showered. At least that way I could stand with my back to her so she couldn't see my scars and be even more disappointed in me than she was already.

She refused and continued tugging. I heard her gasp quietly and found myself unable to meet her eyes for the longest of times. Neither of us said a word as she traced the scars with her finger gently. Silently, I pulled of the rest of my clothing and stepped into the shower.

Hestia sat on the side of the bath and faced away from when a though occurred to me. Where was Annabeth? Either she hadn't got home yet or... Or she had and Hestia had kicked her out. I shook my head. She wouldn't, would she? I didn't tell her anything about why that night did I?

My head was still pounding from the beating it took from the pavement when I stepped out if the shower. I grabbed a towel and watched as Hestia left the room, presumably to find me some clothes since I hadn't brought any in with me.

She came back in with a pair of pyjamas. I frowned but didn't protest as I put them on. Hestia directed me straight back to bed and told me to sleep. She woke me up again for food and then to see if o wanted to watch a movie or anything before bed. I said no to the movie and barely touched my food.

I couldn't feel anything. I was emotionally dead. I did as I was told and put up no fight.

I slipped in the shower the second time when I moved my head too fast. After that Hestia insisted I had baths to stop any further damage to my body. I didn't care to be honest.

She was following me everywhere. Not that I went many places. My room and the bathroom were pretty much it.

All I wanted to do was sleep. All the time. I never brought up the question of Annabeth and Hestia didn't see fit to mention it. The week went on like this. It never really veered off from this set-up. Then I woke up to yelling.

"Get out of my way." I heard someone, a female, scream. I took it as the person didn't move when they yelled again. "Now!"

Whoever they were talking to kept their voice very quiet and almost calm. "You shouldn't be here." I recognised Hestia's voice travelling through my door. I got out of bed quietly and went to investigate.

I peeked around the corner of the room they were stood in to see a head full of blonde hair standing with her arms crossed and a murderous look in her eyes. Annabeth.

"I live here. It's _you_ who shouldn't be here. Who are you anyway?"

"Leave, child, before I turn you to ash." Flames danced in Hestia's eyes while Annabeth visibly paled at her words. "And I suggest not coming back."

"You can at least let me get my things." Annabeth pouted.

"You don't deserve that kind of respect. Now leave, before I make you." Annabeth turned and stormed out of the door. I slipped back into my room and lay down on the bed, thinking.

"Hope you enjoyed the show." A chuckling voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Huh?" I replied. Hestia shook her head and sighed. "Has she come before?" I asked quietly after a long moment's silence. Hestia seemed to jump at my voice, which was understandable; I hadn't spoken for a week.

"Yes. Once." Hestia seemed like she wanted to say more.

"You can tell me." I told her. "I've probably seen it before."

"She was drunk and… clinging onto another man, giggling and kissing him. It was just before you woke up. I told her to leave and not come back until she was sober. When she came in today, she was shouting for you and used some rather… choice words to call you. I told her to leave again and not come back. Ever." I frowned at Hestia.

"You shouldn't have done that. It's my fault in the first place. She wouldn't have to do it if I could do anything useful with my life."

"She doesn't _have_ to do it, she chooses to." Hestia argued. I shrugged, I knew why she did it and I knew it was my fault. "Right, I'm going shopping. You have no food in this apartment and you're thin as a stick. What do you like?"

I didn't answer, what was the point? Just another girl, woman, goddess… whatever, wasting their time on me. "Oh, so you've gone back to silence now have you?" I averted my eyes when she tried to look into them. "Fine, I'll just get a bit of everything that I think you need. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. Please." I grunted and turned to stare out of the window. I heard her leave the apartment and lock the door.

I closed my eyes and sighed. Maybe she could help, I thought, but what if I don't want it?


	5. I figure out how to just make it stop

Hestia invited Nico over the next week. I didn't have any idea that she had, or was even going to. It made for a nasty surprise when I was sitting in the living room picking at a bowl of cereal.

The knock on the door was the first thing that made me suspicious. Hestia didn't knock and I was pretty sure Annabeth wouldn't either, so I had no idea who it might be. No one had come to visit me in a long time. Hestia shouted at me to get the door when there was a second set of knocking after the door wasn't opened on the first. Stubbornly, I refused to move and stared down into my bowl. I heard Hestia sigh and throw something in the bin. I watched as she opened the door but then averted my eyes back to my food. It was probably just some girl scout trying to sell cookies or something.

Next thing I knew I was hearing two voices in the kitchen behind the closed door. One was Hestia but the other was male and therefore, obviously, _not_ a girl scout. I was half tempted to go find out who it was but I didn't want to move. At least, I didn't want to move to the kitchen.

It was the first time in two weeks that Hestia had been occupied by something other than me and I wasn't letting that go to waste, even if I knew I shouldn't do it. My feet led me to the bathroom. I'd hidden a stash of blades in there even before Hestia had come, I hadn't wanted Annabeth to find them. I reached for one of them. They were hidden in various places. I knew now, that even though I felt it then, I didn't really want to die. I just wanted it to stop and then I realised I'd been able to do that all along, without jumping off a roof. If I could just loose enough blood for it to make me feel dizzy but not pass out then I was able to make it stop and still be able to live. I thought it was perfect. Emphasis on thought.

I was close, I knew I was close, to getting that feeling of delirium. I'd cut faster than I had ever done before because I wanted it to stop. Now. I didn't want to think about Hestia being there, judging my every move. I didn't want to think about Annabeth and everything that happened between us. I didn't want to think about Piper or Jason or Leo or Hazel or Frank and the lives they could've had if I hadn't led them into the battle that killed them. I just didn't want to think.

It was at that point that I realised the great flaw in my plan. I had been standing up and so, subsequently, I went crashing to the ground when the blood loss got a little too much. This, in turn, resulted in a loud and long crash as I brought down the shower curtain, rail and all, with me. The next thing I knew the bathroom door was being kicked open and two people stormed in. My vision was greying so I couldn't make out the face of the new comer. I think I tried to talk but it must've come out slurred or too quiet because no one answered me. I fell asleep not long after someone placed me on my bed.

I woke to two voices. I wouldn't say it was a pleasant way to wake up but I suppose there were worse ways. Even if the voices you wake up to are talking about you.

"...I had no idea." The male voice from earlier said. He sounded disheartened and quite... guilty. I didn't know why, no one should feel guilt over me, I wasn't worth it. I'd killed them, for gods sakes.

"It's not your fault," I recognised Hestia's voice. "He kept it well hidden. He managed to manipulate what his father was seeing of him when he did it. I don't know how he did it. Even Athena can't figure it out. It was only by chance that I came when I did. if I hadn't, well, there'd be no need for this discussion."

"I just... Damn. How... I mean... Why... What...? Damn. This is my fault, I knew something was wrong the last time I saw him but I didn't realise..."

"It is most certainly _not_ you fault, Nico di Angelo," _Well, shit,_ I thought. _That's who was at the door earlier. _"If we are to put the blame on anyone it can only be Annabeth. But Percy will never admit that, not until we show him what really happened." _No, no, no. _I fought back internally. _It's my fault. She wouldn't have had to do that if I didn't mess up so much. Stop blaming her, she's innocent! I made her do that. Stop it! _" He's blaming himself for their deaths as well, the other five." Hestia added quietly.

"Is he crazy? There's no way that's his fault. I mean, I was there, I saw it. I've spoken to them since then. It was their choice to save them from Tartarus. No one made them."

"Be that as it may, Percy, unfortunately, doesn't, or won't, see it that way. He thinks that if they had only saved Annabeth, if they hadn't gone back for him, they'd still be alive." I don't know how I stayed still and silent through all of this, but somehow I managed it and listened to their conversation for a bit longer.

"But that's not true, surely he must know that! The Fates decide when someone dies. They would be dead if they had gone back for him or not. If Gaia hadn't got them in Tartarus then something else would've..." I didn't hear the what Nico had to say next. The words became jumbled in my head as I fell asleep again. I'd talk to him in the morning, I promised myself, make him see that Hestia was wrong, that he was wrong, it was my fault and he should just leave me alone. Why couldn't they see that I just didn't deserve it?


	6. Not so affectionately named

**So, I know I only updated a bit ago so I shouldn't really have anything to say but I forgot to put an A/N at the beginning.**

**First, I want to apologise that it's taken me so long to do this and if you're still reading then I admire your... I don't know what the word is. Second I want to explain. I got caught up in exams and an original story I've been working on and then there was a whole lot of friend drama, as there usually is in my life, that I just neglected all my fics apart from the odd Lorien Legacies one shot here and there. **

**There should *fingers crossed* be one more update tonight after this one to make up for my lack of writing. If not, then it should be up tomorrow but it's my sister's results day and if she doesn't get the results she needs to get into university then I might not be able to get to a computer and instead be too busy consoling her and being annoyed that I won't get my own room in September.**

**And on with the story.**

The next time I woke up it was to silence. So either Nico had gone home, one of them was asleep or Hestia had left. I wasn't sure which one I would prefer, to be honest. They all meant that someone was still in the apartment with me, watching my every move and making sure I couldn't make it stop because, apparently, none of it was my fault. I still didn't believe that, even after two weeks of Hestia constantly telling me that it wasn't. Maybe that was why she got Nico to come over, maybe she thought he could convince me that it wasn't my fault. Not likely.

I cracked my eyes open to find that I was alone in the room. I let out a sigh of relief and swung my legs over the side of the bed. It pulled on the cuts I had made earlier but I didn't care, it helped me forget everything else. That's what's good about it. it doesn't just help me forget while I do it, it keeps helping me forget while they heal.

I didn't have a shirt on. I realised that when I push the cover off and felt the draft coming in from the window on my chest. I shivered slightly and padded over to my wardrobe. It was, lets face it, a total mess. Practically nothing was on a hanger and the things that were weren't very secure. I searched around in the bottom of the wardrobe for a clean shirt or just something to put on. The first thing I came to was a zip up jacket. I slid it on and zipped it up halfway. They'd both seen it now, why bother trying to hide it, it wasn't going to magically make them forget about it... was it?

I shook my head. Of course it wasn't. For one, Hestia was a goddess and secondly... I didn't have a secondly but I knew they wouldn't magically forget.

Absently, I wondered if Hestia had told any of the Olympians about my little... problem. I guessed not since I hadn't had any visits from my father. Not that I'd really expect one even if he did know. He'd never been there when I really needed him in the past so why would he bother now? _Just another thing to add to my list of why Percy Jackson is a worthless jackass,_ I thought bitterly, _even my father doesn't care about me_.

I shuffled around the apartment, looking through all the doors to find any other occupants. I found them in the living room. I was almost tempted to just go back to bed, but I was really thirsty and I had to cross the room to get to the kitchen. And that meant facing Nico...

I'd already faced Hestia after I jumped, it wouldn't be hard facing her after this. She couldn't be any more disappointed in me. But Nico... I'd always wanted to be a good role model for him. Even if I wouldn't admit it, I did blame myself for Bianca's death. I could've done more to stop her from doing it, I could've done it myself. Nico was right to have blamed me. But I only just figured that out recently. Naivety had gotten in the way when it happened. When I thought it was her own choice and there was nothing I could've done, when, looking back on it now, there was obviously so much. If I'd just made her think about Nico before she did it, maybe she wouldn't have and she'd still be alive for him. Just maybe.

I'd have to face him sooner or later. Let him see the disappointment that his sister died for. I wouldn't, couldn't, blame him if he hated me now. He'd be justified, just like Annabeth was. So I pushed the door open a little further than it already was, just enough for me to fit through it, and walked through the room with my head down, hidden under the hood of my jacket. No one made a move to stop me. Neither of them tried to talk to me. I got to the kitchen in peace and saw... nothing.

There was nothing on the sides, nothing in the drawers. Well, nothing sharp anyway. The knives had all disappeared, peelers, graters anything that could be considered dangerous was gone. they'd even got rid of all the glass in case I suddenly decided to go smashing something to create something to cut with.

They'd Percy proofed the kitchen.

I growled and stormed back to my room, completely forgetting the fact that I want a drink. I could get one from the bathroom sink if I was really desperate... bathroom. I had to check there now. had they found the stash? Had they got rid of it? I was desperate to find out.

I looked for the one I'd hidden under tape on the bottom of the cup that held the toothbrushes first. Gone. I cursed and went to look for the next one. This one had been stuck to the back of the toilet. Gone. the same pattern continued for the next five I looked for. I hit luck on the sixth. It was wedged behind the mirror on the cupboard. I needed a screwdriver to get to it but at least it was still there.

I all but ran to the back room to look for the tool box only to find it was gone. As was anything else that could be used to injure oneself. Okay, so they hadn't just Percy proofed the kitchen, they'd Percy proofed the whole freaking house! So even if the blade was still there, there was no way I could get to it without ripping the mirror off and... hey, that wasn't such a bad idea. If I could get the mirror off then I could get the blade out and hide it somewhere else. In the kitchen, probably, since they seemed to be done with the, not so affectionately named, Percy Proofing in there.

But if they got suspicious about why I'd done it... What would I do then. they'd probably go and search for something, the blade, that I'd hidden and they'd probably find it. So I had to wait a while. Until they relaxed their guard on me and I could get the mirror off with as little noise as possible, hide the blade and then... and then come back, make a lot of noise about breaking the mirror and make a cut. That would stop suspicion about my real motive. They'd think I was just doing it to make something sharp. They'd tighten up their guard again after that, I knew it. But it was worth it if I had a blade I could use. It was worth all the trouble it would cause.

**So there's the second chapter of the night...**

**I'm not entirely sure if I'm still gonna make this PercyXHestia... I will if you guys want me to but if there's another pairing you want, or just no pairing, I'll consider it.  
It's only because in the original plan Nico wasn't involved and now he is which changes how they were going to get together...**

**Either way, it's up to you, as my valued readers, what you want.**

**Au reviour... Think I spelled that right**

**Rewind and Freeze**


	7. The first realisation on the way to heal

"Percy... Percy...Percy!" I shot up, shaking and sweating, breathing heavily. There was a hand on my arm, anchoring me to reality. Slowly, I moved my eyes up to face the person it was attached to. Nico. "Are you alright?" He asked. I nodded, barely, and tried to calm my breathing. It didn't work very well.

"Nico?" I managed to gasp out between long, desperate breaths.

"Yeah, fancy seeing you here." He tried to insert some humour into the situation. He failed. "You hungry?" I shook my head. Being hungry meant leaving the room. I didn't want to do that yet, I was too busy reeling from the nightmare. And then everything came back to me.

I remembered wanting to jump. I remembered Hestia saving me, watching me, looking after me. I remembered Nico coming over. I remembered the Percy Proofed house. I remembered the blade. Everything in my life was revolving around that blade at that point in time. Everything. It was, sadly, my only reason to move. To get that blade. I needed it, that was the sad fact of it all. I felt like I needed it and I'd do anything to get it, including pushing away the people who cared about me.

I stumbled blindly to the bathroom, Nico was following closely behind. I slammed the door in his face. I doubt that he left, I didn't really care either way, all he was going to hear was the running water I was going to splash on my face, no big deal. But, apparently, to Nico, it was.

I'd been in the bathroom for at least ten minutes when Nico fist knocked. No. I didn't want to see him, make him leave! I mentally begged. The knocking didn't stop and I didn't answer. Why couldn't he see that I just wanted him to leave? Why? the knocking got louder.

"Just go away, Nico!" I growled angrily through the door. it was the most emotion I'd felt for weeks, the most I'd said for weeks and that didn't just get ignored. He and Hestia took the opportunity to try get me to talk to them.

"Not until you talk to me, Percy." Nico retorted. "Not until you tell me what's going on." I shook my head. He already knew, he must. Hestia must've told him or else he wouldn't have come here. He wouldn't have helped her Percy Proof the house if he didn't know why. Would he? Silence stretched for a minute. I heard murmuring outside the door. Nico was talking to Hestia. "Percy," The first word I could make out. "We're trying to help. We can't help if you don't let us." I laughed. Cold, sharp, harsh.

"And why would you want to help me? Your sister is _dead_ because of me."

"Percy..." He faltered. He didn't say anything else.

"You're not denying it." I pointed out.

"Percy," He spoke more firmly. "It was Bianca's _choice_ to do what she did. You couldn't have stopped her. I was young and stupid and grieving when I blamed you. It wasn't your fault. Not then, not now, not ever, Percy. Never you fault." I heard a dull thump from the other side of the door, as if Nico had let his head fall onto it. "Look, if you're not going to talk to us, can you at least come out of the bathroom?"

"What?" I asked harshly. "Scared I'm gonna do something to hurt myself?" I could almost imagine Nico and Hestia wincing. "Yeah, did you think I wouldn't notice your 'Percy Proofing'? Come on, I'm not _that _stupid." I heard Nico chuckle when I called it 'Percy Proofing', a slap and Nico started muttering curses. I was almost tempted to laugh myself, it would've been funny if I wasn't so angry... If I didn't feel so alone.

"Percy, this is for your own good." Hestia tried to reason. I snorted.

"And you." I started accusingly. "Why couldn't you just let me die? It would've been so much easier if you'd just let me hit the ground." I winced even as I said it because I didn't want to die and we both knew it. I jut wanted to pain to stop. tears were poring down my cheeks. I just didn't _understand_. Why? Why did they want to save me? I'd done my job, I'd saved them all and I'd lost so much in the process. Why couldn't they just _leave me alone?_ Why were they still interfering? I sank to my knees.

"I didn't let you die because I _care_, Percy. As much as you may wish that no one does right now, people do and there's nothing you can do to stop them. And they're going to try to help you because none of us enjoy seeing you like this."

"I just..." I started. "I just don't understand." I finished brokenly. Annabeth could see that I was trash, not worth their time, why couldn't they? They'd managed to get the door open at some point. Hestia came and knelt down next to me.

"You don't understand because you don't want to, Percy. You think you're not worth anything, and until you stop thinking that way you won't understand why we're doing this. And you _will_ stop thinking that because Zeus help me if you don't..." Hestia trailed off. "I don't want to see another hero go to an early grave because the gods neglected them. Not again."

Nico was lingering in the doorway. He seemed unsure of his place in all of this. Either that, or he just didn't know how to deal with a sobbing Percy Jackson. Probably the latter. Subconsciously, I noticed how sad he looked. This probably wasn't something he wanted to see. I know I wouldn't if it was Nico where I was. And then I realised how i was feeling. it was an odd sense of guilt. Like I was betraying them, all of them. Everyone I'd ever known. Everyone I'd ever smiled at, laughed with. All of them, even the ones I barely knew. I felt like I was betraying them by wasting my life.

Turned out that I needed to realise this before I could even think about getting better. For their sake as well as my own.

**Just a question, out of curiosity, how old do you all think I am? And why? If you can be bothered thinking I'd like it if you dropped it in a review, I'm just curious.**

**Rewind and Freeze.**


End file.
